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  • Writer's pictureSydney Schatz

Three Tips to Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

Back in May of 2020 I wrote a blog post all about why I love when couples decide to write their own wedding vows. (Keep in mind my husband and I did NOT write our own vows, so if you decide that this tradition is not for you that is 100% ay-okay!) Then I got to thinking about the couples who read that blog and said, “Alright cool, we are onboard – let’s do it!” But then who also probably thought, “Wait, where do we even start when writing vows?” That’s why I wanted to come back with a blog detailing three tips to writing your own wedding vows. However, to me, vows should come across more like a story with a beginning, middle, and end. Because like a story, your relationship has a past, a present, and a future. So, instead of just listing out 1, 2, 3 tips let’s start with the beginning.

1. As you are standing at the altar, there is a high likelihood that not everyone knows how your story began with the person who is about to become your forever partner, so without getting into great detail, give a little backstory. “When we first met at _______, I thought ______...” or “We met in an unconventional (or very conventional) way by ...” I say that vows should be like a story, but remember, I am talking about a short story – not a novel – so try to keep this first part to the highlights, even light-hearted and funny.

2. Next is the meat, or middle part, of your story… how you guys have grown together and what you have learned from that experience. If it’s easier, think of three things you love about your partner and why. What characteristics does your partner exude that first made you think, “yep, I am going to marry you one day”? What is something they continue to do for you every day and why is that act important to your relationship? These are perfect questions to ask yourself with answers that are sure to bring a tear to the eyes of your guests and give them a little deeper insight into the person who you are marrying.

3. Last comes the part that can seem most daunting to some people… the actual “vows”, but don’t stop now, you are on a roll! So, instead of thinking of “traditional” vows, think of it as envisioning your relationship’s future. What do you hope for that future to look like with the partner who you are choosing to spend the rest of your life with – 1, 5, 10, 15 years down the road? Is there anything special (or maybe it’s something simple and ordinary) that you do for your partner? Something you know they value or need as part of their love language? Something you want to promise to continue doing forever to show them how much they mean to you.

After that, your officiant will take care of the rest – the exchange of rings and proclamation of marriage.

All this to say, don’t let your vows cause you heart ache and lost sleep. Your guests, but more importantly your partner, just want to hear how they are valued and what you love most about them because after you are done with your vows that is exactly what they are going to reciprocate for you. Simply tell the story of where your love has been and where it is going. It doesn’t have to be a 3-page book report, but rather a short story or a poem written from your heart and full of emotion.

Shewstring Photography at Cider Mountain in Athol, Idaho

If you would like to go back to my blog about why I think couples should write their own vows, click on the link HERE. If you have more questions or would like to talk about what I can do to help make your planning process stress free so all you have to worry about is writing your vows, head over to my contact page or leave a comment below.

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